I Need Sleep

What a day! I tried so hard to go to bed at a decent hour last night. I feel asleep around 9 p.m., which was good. Unfortunately, I think I slept less than an hour and was wide awake after that. I didn't get to bed until 5:30 this morning. I'm running on only two hours sleep.

My first interview today was with Paychex, but it really wasn't an interview. I had to complete an employment application and then take a few skills tests. Then I was informed that I needed to do a phone interview this afternoon with a manager that is based in Dallas. Since my interview with UT-HSC was scheduled for 2:30 p.m., we set up the phone interview for 4:30 p.m.

I was not thrilled with the idea of driving from Alvin all the way to Katy, then back to Alvin only to turnaround in less than an hour to drive to the Medical Center. Thank goodness my sister lives in downtown Houston. I was able to stay at her place between my interviews.

The interview with UT-HSC was fairly casual. It's for a cardiology group comprised of five doctors and their support staff. I only have to interview with three of the doctors, but only two were available today. Those two interviews were fairly short, and they really didn't have much to ask me. I think the only questions the first doctor asked me was "How are you doing?" and "Why do you want this job?" He was quite pleasant to talk to; he just didn't have much to say. The interview with the third doctor will be some time next week. I should know the exact day/time by this Friday.

I was able to leave the Medical Center shortly after 3:00 p.m., and make it home in plenty of time for my telephone interview. I think it went fairly well. The interviewer told me that I was answering a lot of her questions before she even asked them. I guess that's a good thing. We talked for almost 40 minutes. The manager at the Houston branch told me to call and follow-up with her once I complete the telephone interview. I tried to call her, but the office was already closed. I'll call her tomorrow.

My unemployment claim is still in limbo. Today, I had to call the rep. from the Texas Workforce Commission again to answer a few more questions. The issue should be resolved by noon tomorrow. I don't know if I'll get a phone call or just a letter in the mail. All I know is that my rent is due no later than July 3rd, and without unemployment compensation, I'm royally screwed. As for the staffing agency that I had to use for SpaceHab, they can kiss my ass. I will never go thru them again or recommend them to anyone. They are so disorganized, and now they're trying to screw me out of unemployment. They are officially on my "shit list".

Another Interview

I got a call from UT Health Science Center today and have an interview set up with them tomorrow at 2:30pm.

Wow – two interviews in one day!

One By One

Yesterday morning, I got a phone call from a friend telling me that all her emails to me were bouncing back. I found out that my domain name registration had expired. To renew it, I had to have a credit card. Of course, I don't have one. Thank goodness I was able to reach my sister and she, once again, bailed me out.

This morning, I got a phone call from the Texas Workforce Commission informing me that my last employer is disputing my unemployment claim! They said that I failed to call in and tell them I was available for work. Of course, they never told me I had to do this. The only reason I had to sign up with that staffing agency was because they had the exclusive contract with SpaceHab. The Workforce rep took my info and said that a decision would be made by Thursday at noon. If I can't get my unemployment payments, I am so screwed.

Milestone

I finally heard back from the company Paychex for a job interview. It was a different HR rep. that called me this time. My interview is set for this Wednesday at 10am.

And, even better news; I finally finished my first quilt! I'll be the first to admit that it's ugly, but it was my first one. I hope the next one turns out better.

Who Knew

After I decided to post a blog about my problems, I read my horoscope. Pretty weird…

====================================
Don't keep those problems all bottled up. That's what friends are for, right?

Don't you worry about a thing. If something's been weighing on your mind heavily as of late, you can rest easy, because things are about to change. However, it would be a good idea to remember that very often the help that the stars send doesn't take the form that you think it will -- so keep an open and flexible mind if something or someone unusual crosses your path. They might just be the answer to your prayers.

One Hell Of A Battle

I haven't blogged about this subject because I've been trying to deal with it quietly and on my own. Since it seems to be getting harder by the minute, I figured I would try writing about it to see it that helps.

I'm finding myself withdrawing more and more from the outside world. I think a big part of that is because I am disgusted with the person I have become, both physically and emotionally. Unfortunately, I can't find the motivation to change. I hear about people who had some sort of incident and decided that they had to change themselves…and they succeeded. Why can't I find that same "kick-start" feeling? I want to lose weight, stop smoking, and be more active. I usually obsess about it at night when I'm trying to fall asleep. But when I wake up the next morning, I'm back into an apathetic mode.

On top of that, there is some much stuff around me that is about to fall apart. I don't want to go into too much detail. What is so frustrating is that I don't have the means and/or resources to find solutions to them. Have you ever seen a person trying to spin multiple plates on wooden rods? They start off really good at it. Then, one by one, each plate starts becoming unbalanced and eventually falls off. I feel like all my plates are very unbalanced right now and they are all going to fall and crash any minute now.

Of course, there's always the infamous dark thoughts. I don't know if you ever saw the movie "A Beautiful Mind", where the main character suffered from schizophrenia. Before he got his illness under control, there were three people that he truly thought existed, but they only existed in his mind. Towards the end of the movie, after he has his schizophrenia under control, he tells someone that those people are always there in his mind, he just knows to ignore them now. When my depression starts getting worse, the suicide thoughts always seem to come out. I just try to ignore them and think about something else. I finally came up with two very personal reasons why I should not do it. It pisses me off that I even have to come up with reasons. It's not normal, but I'll do whatever I can to help me when the dark thoughts become more dominant. Of course, I always know that if I really think I'm going to hurt myself that I'm to call my doctor immediately. Hopefully, it won't ever get to that point.

I don't want anyone to worry about me. I have to deal with on this stuff on my own. It's really tough, and I'm hoping that I can be tougher.

War

There is a war going on in my backyard between myself and a stupid bird. This damn bird sits on my fence and does this annoying bitching-type chirp. It drives me crazy. I would just go outside and walk towards it, and it would fly away. But it kept coming back. So, I started to spray it with my water hose, with the nozzle set to "jet stream". The little shit is still coming back. If anyone has any idea how I can keep this bird away, please let me know!

Ring

I still haven't heard from the HR rep from Paychex yet. I tried calling her again later that afternoon, but got her voicemail again. I have no clue what's going on.

As for the interview I did go on, I still haven't heard anything back from them.

I know my phone is working, because I'm getting plenty of calls from bill collectors wanting to know where their money is :-)

Finally, another interview call!

I got a call today for an interview for another job I applied for. I don't know when the interview will be since I'm playing phone tag with the HR rep. But in her first message, she said they wanted me to come in for an interview. That was all I needed to hear to lift my spirits. The company is Paychex. I checked out their website, and they seem to be a great company. They even have a page about interviewing with them. I don't recall seeing anything like that before. I was also impressed with their benefits. What really amazed me was the fact that the company stresses employee development and training. That's important to me.

As soon as I know when the interview will be, I'll let you know.

Is This Thing On?

I still haven't heard anything back from the company that I interviewed with last week. On top of that, I haven't gotten any calls for interviews from the other jobs I've applied for. This is starting to get frustrating…and depressing.

Susie Homemaker

I haven't heard anything back from the job interview yet.

Since I need to try to stay home during the day to catch any job-related phone calls, I decided to take up a new hobby. People who really know me are probably laughing their asses off right now since I have a reputation of trying lots of new things, only to stop after only a couple of months. I usually do it out of frustration.

This time, I'm trying to teach myself how to quilt. I know I don't really resemble a "Susie Homemaker" type, but quilting has always seemed interesting to me.

I went to Hobby Lobby in Texas City on Saturday on get some supplies. As I was looking through some fabrics, I had a sweet, elderly lady start talking to me. I told her about my quest to learn how to quilt. It turns out that she also lives in Alvin, and belongs to two quilting groups located in town. She gave me her phone number and told me not to hesitate to call her if I had any questions. She invited me to attend the quilting group get-togethers. I told her that I thought those groups were more for experience quilters, and I don't even consider myself a beginner yet. She told be that there are many beginning quilters that attend, and those more experience are more than willing to help the beginners. I thought that was so kind of her to give me all the info, and to offer her personal assistance.

There are truly angels among us.

Interview Recap

I think the job interview went well.

I first met with the HR representative and we talked for about 45 minutes. She mainly discussed the employee benefits of the company. We also did a bunch of gabbing.

After that, I interviewed with the manager of Engineering Services for about 30 minutes. It was a pretty casual interview. He discussed the position and what the duties would be. The official job title is Project Secretary. He also talked about how the project team is organized and stressed the importance of team work.

After that, he went and got the guy that will be the project manager of the team; the one I would directly be reporting to. I spoke with him for about 15 minutes. Out of those 15 minutes, about five minutes of it was about hockey. I think it's cool that I can manage to work the topic of hockey into almost any conversation. I found out that he is originally from Pennsylvania and used to play ice hockey as a kid.

After I was done speaking with him, the first manager I met with came back in. He asked me to email him my references so he could contact them. I guess that's a good sign.

The job isn't located in Houston, which I already knew from when the HR rep first called me to set up the interview. I just had to go to the Houston office for the interview. The job will be in Deer Park, which I would choose any day over Houston. Also, the work schedule will probably be four 10-hour shifts, which means I would have every Friday off. I really like that idea.

As soon as I hear anything, I will be sure to update everybody. Thank you to everyone for their best wishes and good luck messages! Every bit helps.

I'm dog-tired now. I guess I was so nervous about the interview that I had a hard time falling asleep last night. I'm definitely going to bed early tonight.

Damn Cable Company

I was so excited today because I was finally getting cable! The technician was scheduled to come between noon and 2pm to set me up. I'm sitting around the house waiting…and waiting. By 2:30, I decided to call to find out what was going on. After talking with several people and being put on hold several times, I'm finally informed that the technician as already been out to my place and hooked up my cable. I told the lady that I had been home, and no one has come by. She places me on hold again. She comes back on the line and asked if my apartment was already set up to receive cable. I told her that I already had RoadRunner internet service, and there's extra cable outlets in the living room and bedroom. She said that since that was already there, the technician just turned it on from the outside. I asked her if I needed a cable box or something, and she said I didn't since I just got the basic cable. All I needed to do was connect the video cable to the wall outlet and then into my t.v. Simply enough, but where the hell was this video cable she was talking about? She sounded shocked when she said "You don't have a cable?" Excuse me…that's not something I normally keep around the house. I'm put on hold again. She comes back on the line and says that she's trying to see when the technician can come back out. I told her not to worry about it; I would just go buy the video cable. I was not going to waste another afternoon waiting on a technician.

It would have been nice if they would have told me that I didn't have wait at home. Since I was told that I did, I made a hair appointment for after 2pm. The earliest that my stylist could fit me in was at 4pm. Since I haven't gotten my hair cut in months, I figured now would be a good time with my job interview tomorrow. I show up, and she's running behind schedule. She wasn't ready for me until 4:30. Since I was meeting Belinda and Sharon for dinner in Pearland, I ended up rescheduling my appointment for tomorrow afternoon. I won't have a new hairdo for my interview tomorrow, but that's okay.

Pumped!

I have a job interview this Thursday morning!!

The company is Parsons E&C, which deals with oil & gas production. I'm so excited about this because it's the industry I really want to work in. Don't get me wrong…I really enjoyed my experience working at NASA, but I think the oil industry is where I belong.

I'm just so pumped up about the interview that I can't calm down!

Give me a break

My first full day of being unemployed again, and I learned that daytime t.v. still sucks.

Also, I'm sick of hearing about Katie and Tom, Brad and Angelina, and Michael Jackson.

Review

I really wanted my last day at SpaceHab to be a quiet one. When I arrived at work and saw a card and gifts on my desk, I realized that I wasn't going to be able to leave quietly. It was really sweet of them to do so much for me. Connie got me a beautiful plant. Julie got me an adorable hockey figurine. And Kathleen got me these cute citronella candles that were in watering cans. The card they got me was so funny! They said it fit me perfectly. If you want to see it, click here, and you can decide if it fits me.

Final Day

Well, today will be my final day at work.

I was bad yesterday. I went to the mall just to buy some Clinique powder, and decided to buy a new outfit. I know it wasn't the smartest thing to do since I'm about to be unemployed; but, since today was going to be my last day, I wanted to look good. It's actually a really cute outfit, one that my sister would be proud of.

Tumbling

Check out my horoscope for today:

Sometimes the best thing to do is hang on for the ride without trying to change its course. Taking lots of drastic measures might bring things to such an abrupt halt that you'll go tumbling head over heels, whereas you might actually have a lot of fun once you loosen up and let yourself go. No, you're not in control of the situation that's currently going on, but ask yourself this: when are you ever really in total control of any situation? Relax and have fun instead.

Bam!

I guess I'm not as strong as I would like to be. This whole job this is finally hitting me…and it's hitting me hard. Even though I had a feeling that it would end, I guess finally getting it confirmed made the idea finally sink in. And I'm not handling it as well as I would like to. The dark thoughts are getting more frequent now. I hate to admit that because I don't like people having to worry about me.

Listening to the radio, I heard a song by Blaine Larson titled "How Do You Get That Lonely." You can read the lyrics here. The song is about a kid who committed suicide, and the guy doesn't understand why. Here's a couple of the lines from the song:

"How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go. How do you get that lonely... and nobody knows."

I don't know if the song is based on a true story or not. The part about nobody knowing makes complete sense to me. One of my coping mechanisms for depression is to block everyone out of my life. I don't want them to know what's going on inside my mind when it gets that gloomy. Again, it goes back to me not wanting anyone to worry about me. Depression is a terrible, and often misunderstood, disease.

Confirmed

My manager finally spoke with me this morning and informed me that Friday would be my last day. She wasn’t able to work my position into the budget.

No News Yet

As far as my job goes, I still have no idea what is going on. I finally emailed my manager yesterday afternoon to get a status and I haven’t heard back from her yet. I will try to post something as soon as I do. I’m trying to stay positive, but I know I’m still stressing over it just because of my body as been acting. It’s already after 1am and I still cannot get to sleep.

Just to be prepared, I’ve already been searching the want ads and have posted my updated resume on several job boards. A good friend of mine used to work in Human Resources. He was kind enough to review my resume and cover letters and improve them. What I thought was really awesome was that he explained all the reason for every change. After seeing all the mistakes I had made, it’s no wonder why it took me so long time to find a job. I really appreciate all his help. I feel a lot more confident now then I did when I had to search for a new job months ago.

Stay tuned for updates!

37 Candles?

It was announced yesterday that Molly Ringwald wants to star in a sequel to the 1984 movie, Sixteen Candles.

I loved that movie. It ended perfectly, and I don’t see a need for a sequel. I don’t know what type of story line they plan to put together after 21 years.

A funny character that stood out in the original film was the foreign exchange student, Long Duk Dong. He had some great one-liners. Here’s one to remember:

"Oh...no more yanky my wanky, the Donger need food!"

Animal!!

Last night, I was watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. The Muppets made a special appearance on the show. During one of the interview segments, Ty Pennington commented that he and Animal were going to have a talk about ADHD. This reminded me of a comment my mom made a couple of months ago.

We were at a mall in San Antonio and walking through a Sears’s store. My mom saw this display picture of Ty on the wall. She turned to me and said, “Did you know that Ty also has ADHD?” I was completely shocked by her comment. It was the first time I could ever remember her actually acknowledging that I had ADHD. She may not even recall that she said that, but I’ll always remember the moment. As corny as this sounds, I smile whenever I think about it.

When I was searching for Muppet info for this blog entry, I came across this fun quiz and found out which muppet I am.

You are Janice.
You dig the groove man, nothing can bum you out.
Too bad you're too stoned to notice.

INSTRUMENT:
Like, you know, guitar, fer sure.
LAST BOOK READ:
"Finding Your Past Lives on the Web"

FAVORITE EXPRESSION:
"Fer sure, like, fer sure."

FAVORITE THINGS:
Peace, love and, like, granola, totally.

NEVER LEAVES HOME WITHOUT:
Her inner child.


What Muppet are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

She's Smarter

The job situation isn’t looking good. Since my NASA badge expired on Tuesday, I took it to the badging office to get it renewed. Instead of getting a new picture ID badge, I got a temporary paper badge, good thru June 10th. That didn’t give me a very good feeling.

When I originally asked my manager about my contact, a week before the original contract expired, she told me that she was having a budget issue and would let me know within the next couple of days. I never heard anything from her. Like I had blogged about previously, it was my staffing agency that called me last Friday to let me know that the contract had been extended 10 days. My manager still hasn’t said anything to me about it. My sister gave me an interesting perspective on it. She thinks that since my manager is dealing with a budget issue, that maybe they don’t want to set me up on another 3-month contract in case the budget got approved. That’s a positive way to look at it, so it didn’t surprise me that it came from Lori.

Speaking of Lori, she sent me a frustrating brain-teaser game today. Obviously, I’m not a patient person. I worked on it for about ten minutes and gave up. I eventually found the answer on the internet. When I told her that, she couldn’t believe that I cheated. She said that she was able to figure it out and I was smarter than her! I have no clue where she got that idea. She’s the one with the Master’s degree. As for me, I’m a high school and college drop out. I definitely think she’s the smarter one.

Anyway, if you want to try the game, click here. When you go to the site, it’s written in Chinese. Just select the big, round button to start. The instructions are listed below in English. Enjoy pulling your hair out!